Monday, June 13, 2011

Reflecting Back

No pictures, no frills just reflecting back...

As I look back and review my blog post from October titled "East Coast Will Go West Coast," where I wrote about my decision and commitment to toeing the line at Western States, these lines pop out at me:

Commitment ignites action and means not only doing things when you feel like it.  It is a willful choice and acceptance that it will not be easy all the time.  It requires persistence with a purpose.  There is no justifying excuses and you do it because you have chosen the endeavor.

When I think my journey thus far the first thing that I realize is that I have been training for Western States now for over seven months.  There were times when I thought the race was never going to come, although now the countdown is happening faster than I could ever fathomed.  I can honestly say I never missed a training session due to inclement weather, lack of motivation or poor planning.  Rather when I did miss a day it was after serious thought about the repercussions of running while very sick or injured.  I say this because the difficult part for me was not the actual physical or mental demands, but rather the sacrifices that were made along the way. Simply stated, keeping life in balance was my ultimate struggle and referring back again to my post in October I wrote: 

I am commiting to seeing this journey through in a healthy way so to maintain balance within me and my life.

Before signing up I had many discussions with my husband, friends and family as I knew that ultimately this endeavor would take support and understanding.   Managing my workouts was one thing but the difficult task became finding the time and energy to devote to other areas of my life.  I began getting up earlier, shuffling my schedule and then reshuffling as I tried to create more time.  Despite this effort  it became clear that I had to be selfish, I needed to streamline my life.  It pained me to do so and it is hard to outright say it, but it is honest.  I have spent many miles, sauna and bikram sessions, airplane rides, and trips to the physical therapist thinking about those closest to me.  I missed family dinners, time with George, laughs with friends and walks with my dogs. Early on I quickly realized that dwelling on the missed moments wouldn't help the situation so I focused on remembering fond memories of those closest to me.  What has amazed me most is my husbands understanding and support.  Day in and day out he has helped insure that I do what I need to in order to prepare and has been diligent in helping make sure I take care of myself. 

As I write this there are less than 12 days left until Western States.  Each day I continue my commitment to this race and look forward to not only the event, but also the time afterwards that I get to spend with those who I have missed.

Who knows what awaits me, but I commit to finding out.

7 comments:

  1. You're going to do so well!!! Can't wait!

    Interesting post, it made me thunk. I struggle with the word selfish, I think it's too biased towards whatever society - either arbitrarily, or worse, by general consensus - decides is normal and somehow worthy. But I get your point that you have missed things in your life, and I hope it makes doing all those things all the sweeter after.

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  2. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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  3. So well said Aliza (and great follow up Nathan!). This is truly going to be your moment. Everything you've worked so hard for will be there for you on race day. I can't wait to see you shine!

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  4. Sounds like you've put in the work, Aliza. Hope things go your way and the day is yours -- run hard, run strong, and have fun!

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  5. Aliza, Even though I always miss you when you are not at family dinners, I applaud your dedication and wish you all the best!!!

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  6. Good luck Aliza. You'll do great. Look forward to following along.

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