Saturday, October 29, 2011

"And I Quit Because I Didn't Want to Run"

I've said it more than once, and I know it is stating the obvious, but Kilian is an amazing athlete.  You can see the passion in eyes and hear it in his voice.  I am thankful that he was willing to show some of his recent emotion on camera, because even though we are on completely different levels it helped me better understand what happened to me recently.

During the Vermont 50 I wasn't having fun, each step felt like a step I didn't have in my heart to take.  This was extremely difficult because for the longest time I have relied on running to make me happy.  Even on the darkest days it has helped me pull through difficultly and on that fall Sunday in Southern Vermont something wasn't right.  Not enjoying my time running made me very sad, I tried for 32 miles to make it work and then dropped.  I chalked it up to "it's just not my day."  I remember asking Geo after we got home "What am I going to do if I cannot find happiness in running?"  After two weeks off from running I am back to exploring and following the path that my mind and heart tell me to.